For the ladies out there - Mermaids and toilets (head) in rough seas

 A bit of light hearted comedy for the ladies.  This is the reality of life on the ocean waves for us mermaids.  

You would think that going to the bathroom for women would be a very straight forward process ... after all we are in a pretty fancy boat ...  but no ... even a boat as comfortable as Mimu (champagne cruising all the way) ... using the head (bathroom) while ocean sailing goes something like this ...

1.    You clamber with no elegance whatsoever down the six steep companionway steps, gripping with your feet and holding onto grab rails as the boat is heeling/sliding down waves/that roller coaster effect. And you're dying to pee ... (we are not young mermaids and waiting is not good for us) ... but its such hard work going down below.

2.    You are immediately overtaken by a hot flush as its toasty warm down below and you're wearing multi layers of deliciously warm merino, fleece, puffer jacket, woolly hat etc.

3.    Bracing your butt against the galley bench, one hand holding a rail, you start to strip off layer by layer.  The more layers you can remove where there is room to maneuver, the easier it is for the next step.

4.    Once that is out of the way, you gingerly make your way towards the bow, hand hold after hand hold, crouched down low, feet gripping, trying to keep your balance.

5.    Stepping inside the head compartment you are immediately overwhelmed with claustrophobia, it's tiny, hot and airless with the hatch sealed closed. And the bow is crashing, jolting, heeling over ...

6.    Next step is the button control operation.  It's an electric head, the height of onboard luxury. There is a button to fill the bowl with clean water and a second button to flush.  They sound like this ... "uuuggghhh" to fill and "eeehhh" to empty.  Now that sounds perfectly straightforward but ...

7.    You press the "uuuggghhh" button to fill the bowl with fresh water.

8.    With one hand holding on for dear life, you single handedly endeavour to wiggle out of your trousers (thank goodness for elastic waisted leggings), the other hand braced against the bulkhead, all the while trying to maintain your balance.

9.    You lift the lid, lower your bottom to sit and contemplate life.  But then the boat gives an unexpected lurch, you have one foot braced on the bulkhead, one hand holding the grab rail, the second hand gripping the sink unit (nary a seatbelt in sight) when ...

10.    Suddenly you are experiencing a full bidet experience ... but wait there's more ... it's a full on colonic irrigation! At no charge!

11.    So there you are, wedged in, experiencing an even hotter flush, only to discover the loo roll has disappeared into the depths of the cupboard.

12.    The boat is now side on to a swell, rocking violently, and the poo paper bin tips over and out flows the previous 48 hours of unmentionables.

13.    By this time, you have just had enough, there is no air, your tummy is starting to feel queasy, you are exhausted from the bracing and hanging on and you're desperate to escape.

14.    But you can't leave until you go through the process of  "eeehhh"/"uuuggghhh, eeehhh/uuuggghhh, eeehhh/uuuggghhh" push of the buttons ... both feet, one arm, body braced.

15.    Finally you single handedly pull up your knickers, leggings, legs braced, you turn the tap on for a quick rinse of the hands and the water sprays everywhere.  Hot, bothered and exhausted!

16.    And lastly, with everything tucked in and with a proud smile on your face, you fling open the door to a rapturous round of applause from the crew!!